The Battle to Rescue Officer Smith
by Lady Yuki200
Summary: The doughnut loving Officer Smith is kidnapped. Kyou has Chippins. Shigure worships the Great Milkbone. Yuki is wearing a dress. Why? Because they can!


The Battle to Rescue Officer Smith  
  
By; Lady Yuki  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Summary: The doughnut loving Officer Smith is kidnapped and it's up to our three fearless...well nearly fearless...heroes to save them. Can Yuki, Shigure and Kyou triumph while taking care of Kyou's Chippin offspring, dealing with the Great Milkbone and all while Yuki is wearing a dress?  
  
20 years in the past  
  
Officer Smith waddled into Dunk'n Doughnuts. "What'll it be, Officer?" the worker asked.  
  
"Regular." the overweight officer replied. "But no extra frosting. I'm on a diet." Officer Smith smiled as the worker handed him the gooey doughnut. "Put it on my tab." The chunky police officer was already biting into the delicious looking doughnut.  
  
"See ya later, Officer Smith!" the worker called as he turned off the 'open' sign.  
  
The policeman cursed as it began to pour down rain as soon as he stepped outside.  
  
"Here," a tall, dark figure said as he handed him an umbrella.  
  
"Thanks a lot!" Officer Smith replied happily and blissfully ignorant.  
  
Suddenly the stranger pulled out a white cloth soaked in Chloroform and shoved it into the officer's face. Smith collapsed and despite the policeman's heaviness the stranger picked him up with the greatest of ease and carted him off.  
  
Who could have committed such a terrible crime? Why, none other than the great villain known as, ENGOTHMEALAN!!  
  
~~Bum-Bum-BUM!!!~~  
  
~20 years into the future~  
  
Yuki, Shigure and Kyou are three unlikely demon heroes thrown together by fate.   
  
Yuki is the Rat Demon. He is caring, kind and loyal. He has many fangirls, none of whom will be appearing here.  
  
Shigure is the Dog Demon. He is a total hentai. -_-  
  
Kyou is the Cat Demon. He is very temperamental and hotheaded.  
  
And yet, together they are...the three heroes who will SAVE OFFICER SMITH!!! (insert cheesy heroic music)  
  
While walking through the Forest of Silence Kyou and Yuki have a fight over whether you should be silent in the Forest of Silence or not. As fate would have it, you should stay silent in the Forest of Silence. For in the Forest of Silence lies a dark force called...the EVIL CHIPMUNKS OF DOOM!! The Chipmunks attacked unmercifully.  
  
"GET IT OFF!! GET IT OFF!!" Kyou screamed in terror as Yuki and Shigure skillfully fought off all but the one chipmunk on Kyou's head.  
  
Finally the battle was won.  
  
"Get...it...off...of...ME!" Kyou growled.  
  
"Why?" Yuki laughed. "It's so cute!"  
  
"Yeah," Shigure said as he patted the chipmunk's head softly. "I think she likes you!"  
  
~Later after camp is set up~  
  
"NO!" Kyou yelled. "No way is that THING sleeping with me!!" The chipmunk, named Susan, snuggled closer to Kyou.  
  
"Kyou," Shigure mumbled sleepily, "why do you have to yell? We all need our sleep."  
  
"Yeah, Kyou." Yuki growled. "Just shut up and go to sleep!"  
  
~Next Morning~  
  
"Oh, GOOD LORD! WHAT HAPPENED?!" Yuki cried as he woke up and saw little orange balls of fur sleeping around Kyou. "Shigure, wake up! Kyou had Chippins!" he exclaimed.  
  
"What's a Chippin?" Shigure asked groggily.  
  
Kyou finally woke up and yelled, "What the hell is THAT?!"  
  
"A Chippin. Half cat; half chipmunk," Yuki exclaimed while holding a Chippin up by it's neck.  
  
"Kyou! Explain yourself!" Shigure demanded.  
  
"What? Wait...you don't think... HEY! I would never...!" Kyou stammered.  
  
"What will Kagura say?" Shigure shook his slowly in disapproval.  
  
"They're so...CUTE!!!" Yuki cried, ooohing and aaahing over the Chippins.  
  
~Later~  
  
"So, where's Susan?" Shigure asked.  
  
"Will you SHUT UP about her!! Susan is GONE!!" Kyou yelled.  
  
"So, it's over between you two?" Shigure grinned.  
  
"There never was a US!" Kyou screamed.  
  
"Kyou, please don't yell in front of the children." Yuki said calmly.  
  
"Yuki, why are you wearing a dress?" Kyou asked nervously.  
  
Shigure snickered.  
  
"What?!" Kyou demanded.  
  
"Nothing." Shigure then snorted.  
  
"WHAT!?!?" Kyou screamed.  
  
"You two are the perfect couple!!" Shigure suddenly burst out. "You and Yuki, I mean! Forget Susan! This is WAY funnier!!" He then proceeded to roll on the ground in laughter.  
  
"Oh, God. I hope Yuki is playing some sick mind game..." Kyou prayed frantically.  
  
"Kyou," Yuki said while smiling proudly. "I have named the children! This is Kyou Jr. That's Bob. And the skinny one is Jake."  
  
Shigure stopped laughing long enough to put a hand on Kyou's shoulder and say, "Kyou, I will now pass great advise along to you, seeing as you are now a father. A lifetime of watching movies has taught me...MAKE SURE the evil mastermind is dead before carelessly walking away. And for god's sake TURN AROUND when you hear menacing violin music start to play! Just a thought." Shigure grinned and winked at Yuki and Kyou.  
  
"Oh, *BEEEP!*" Kyou exclaimed. "He's finally lost it!"  
  
"Kyou!" Yuki scolded. "Don't curse in front of our children!"  
  
"They are NOT...OUR children!!!" Kyou screamed then turned away. "I think I'm gonna kill myself with that rock and a tree."  
  
"No, don't kill yourself!" Yuki pleaded. "I can't afford to send them to college on my salary alone!"  
  
"Fine!" Kyou exclaimed, giving up. "I won't! Just SHUT UP!!"  
  
"Shut up...I don't think I like that word used in front of my children..." Yuki calmly informed Kyou.  
  
"I tried to sell my soul to the Devil last weekend, but he was outbid by Black Haru. Damn..." Kyou mumbled. "Now I kinda wish the deal had gone through."  
  
"What?" Yuki asked.  
  
"Nothing!" Kyou said and quickly vanished to find Shigure.  
  
"Oh, great high and mighty god of dogs," Shigure prayed. "I ask you to give me the power to defeat Engothmealan.... And for my plan to create an unholy shrine of sweet sweet goat porn to finally be a success. Thank you, Great Milkbone, for taking time to hear my prayers." Shigure got off his knees and started walking back towards camp past Kyou.  
  
"Sweet Jesus!" Kyou exclaimed in horror. "SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH SHIGURE! Worshiping milkbones... Ha! I prefer the Great Catnip Mouse!"  
  
~at the Great Engothmealan Lair~  
  
"Who knew the bad guy liked goat porn as much as me!" Shigure exclaimed, looking around the lair.  
  
Kyou quickly told Yuki that Shigure had gone insane.  
  
"So, you dare attempt to defeat me!?" Engothmealan asked.  
  
"No, we just want the policeman!" Kyou yelled.  
  
"Then fight me!" the evil maniac demanded.  
  
"Choose your weapons!" Yuki challenged.  
  
"FOAM LIGHT SABERS!!" Engothmealan yelled.  
  
"And...SKITTLES!!" Shigure clapped his hands happily.  
  
the battle begins  
  
CLASH!!CLANG!!HYAAH!!AAAHHH!!!  
  
WHOA!!!BANG!!!SKITTLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
DUST CLOUD!  
  
The dust clears and the winner of the battle is revealed!  
  
"Yaay! We won!!" Shigure yelled in victory.  
  
"Nooo!!!" Kyou is hurt!" Yuki screamed throwing himself Kyou.  
  
"I'm fine! Get offa me!" Kyou growled and pushed Yuki away.  
  
"Yaaaaay!! Kyou's okay! I was so worried!!" Yuki cried and glomped Kyou with big heart eyes.  
  
And with that our heroes lived happily ever after...^^  
  
Kyou and Yuki went on to live happily ever after with their three Chippin children. They sent each of them to Ivy League schools. Kyou Jr. became a doctor who discovered a cure for the dreaded Ecchi Syndrome. Bob became a well respected lawyer who advocated the right for cat demons and chipmunks to marry...followed by the right for cousins of the same sex to marry and raise the offspring of another marriage as their own. Jake died at age 22 from a disease brought on by overexposure to goat porn. Susan was never seen again. Shigure made millions with his goat porn empire. The vice president of the goat porn empire was a former megalomanic by the name of Engothmealan. 


End file.
